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I am sorry I drove you away B-- I needed big changes in my life and I was focused on escaping it. At the same time, I felt myself falling for you. It was so good and intense but the timing was wrong, and we said bad things to each other that we didn't mean to. I wish I could have shared all the tasks that preoccupied my mind and reassured you instead of manipulating you to keep you on the hook. But it was so soon and we barely knew each other! I was so to entangle you before I was ready to devote myself to you properly, before I could provide for you again and protect you from the things in my past. Even before I met you, I had planned on leaving everything. You only catalyzed it. You happened to gave me more and more motivation to do it. What I'm saying is, don't feel bad that it didn't work out between us. I would not have done things differently, except pertaining to the way I treated you. Everything I intended to free myself from I did, but in the process I freed and lost you and the loss hurts so much. Now we're estranged because of the things I've said... or have you truly moved on? I am working on rebuilding so that I can provide for you in a way that meets my expectations. I want you back. I wish the cycle of life would return to a time when I can have another chance with you. A new beginning. I pray you find the to understand and forgive me, and accept that I did not manipulate to mislead or hurt, but to protect you and protect myself from hurting you even more than I already did. You and the girls would have been hurt in the whirlwind I faced. I needed to drive you away. I am so desperate, isolated, and full of remorse, it's like I'm suffocating under water. I want more than anything to share my respect for you, my love and honesty with you. I want to be the father of your . But I still need just a little more time. I pray to God that you wait, I pray to God that when you come around again I am ready. I will never again build a life I have to fight so hard to escape that I cannot share it with you. R

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