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I'll try and keep this on point. I recently ended a complicated romance, my first attempt at love in many years, it me up emotionally. She's older than me (11 years) we share intense chemistry and are trying to salvage a friendship in the aftermath, it's not going too smoothly at this point. She is still entangled with her former lover of many years, so in a sense it's like I had an affair with a married woman. They were never married, but you get the point. I would not have become involved if I had known beforehand there was so much unfinished business between them, she still lives with him for pity sake!. Now I've come away with intense feelings of loss betrayal. I waited a long time after my divorce to be ready again, for my heart to be clear. Now I feel used and jaded. I'm so depressed - no woman will want me, all I do is lament and cry over what could have been. I feel so foolish for being so naive. I don't have another ten years to "find myself" again. I'm going to have to find a way to go forward in my life and find a way to open my heart to love again. Sadly, I feel I am a changed man, I can already see that I'll have difficulty opening up and trusting again after this tragic failure. She refuses to talk about what happened. The only reason she gave for ending it was "she's not ready for a relationship", which may seem straightforward, but why then were we IN a relationship for the last 7 months!? Did she simply use me for revenge on her ex for cheating? If so, I can accept that, but she won't even say that much. I fear I may never know why. This is severely impacting my self esteem and confidence about what attracted us in the first place... I'm not sure what advice anyone can offer, I already participate in other advice forums, and I have a strong support network of friends family. I know I am the only person who can really answer the questions in my heart. I guess I'm hoping someone will read this and have some kind words of advice or support to help me through this difficult transition in my life's journey. I thank you in advance for your compassion, I look forward to hearing from you.
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