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The Truth I fear you will never see this but I need to say it. I haven't seen or heard a single word from you since the divorce when you told me you didn't even want it but still put us both through it. Now you are back to telling everybody these . I was abusive, I was controlling, I didn't want to work, I made you apply for disability, I was trying to get you to have a bunch of babies for me so I could make money off of them, that I had to take a pill so we could concieve our Son and my personal favorite, that you didn't even want to have him and I made you. You say all this about me and I tell a few minor truths in court to defend myself against all the and somehow I put you down? Yes I said some stupid things after you left, none of which were directed at you, I blamed because all the other times you left when you came back you told everybody how it was all her fault. Everything you had done to me, I had every right to be upset, to feel hurt and confused and I underreacted in the scope of things. You made up all these things to justify your actions to them and to yourself but you know as well as I do that the only reasons we are divorced now are because it was near time for to be born and your parents have money and because of all the times you put me through this, this is the one time I actually stood up for myself. Every other time I said I love you, take your time, it's okay. But it wasn't okay and I wasn't wrong to say ad much but I damn sure made sure you still knew I much I love and miss you both. Even in court I told as little as possible, the only reason I've revealed the things I have since then is because you're doing the one thing to me that I'm not equipped to handle. Using OUR Son against me any way you can. I've been turned into the bad guy for every good thing I've tried to do for him. I loved and supported you through Months of Hell, picked you up when put you down and in return I was treated worse and worse every day. You filed for divorce, you hid our birth from me and pretended you had a right or logical reason to get mad at me for finding out he'd been born and fighting to see him. I've recently heard the saying "don't try to ruin someones life with a lie if yours can be ruined with the truth" I believe that best fits our situation. I did not put you down, I picked myself up, not even for me but so I'd have the fighting chance I deserve to be a part of Seths life. I'd like to set the record straight on a few things, I'll still keep your big secrets but regarding the things you did and then put on me. You said you didn't want my Father in our Apartment, I threw him out, you invited him back and gave him a key. You told everybody that you were my smoking would ruin the babys when the doctor said your lungs looked like you may as well have been smoking yourself. What you neglected to mention was that I refused to smoke anywhere near you and that you in fact had been. I was controlling? You did what you wanted when you wanted, cancelled our plans everytime ed, told me to stay put and you'd be back in an hour or 2, 10 or 12 hours later you would return. Sometimes I did get when you'd go because on 3 seperate occasions an hour or 2 turned into a month. If I simply walked to the store, at your request you were me in minutes telling me I need to hurry and get home. I didn't want to work, the last decent job I had while we were together I lost because i missed days due to Scabies and MRSA, which you gave me. I didn't bame you so don't put me down for it. After that, anytime I got a job interview you insisted on being right there with me. I wouldn't let your Family come over and I wouldn't let you stay there? You said they couldn't come in, I suggested inviting them several times, everytime asked you to stay with her you got mad and slammed the phone, I suggested that if you didn't want to stay there then invite to stay a night or two with us, you said no. I suggested we tell them we were having a , you said no. You acted like I wouldn't let you have a relationship with them? You told me you were afraid they would ruin our Marriage and you suggested we cut all and move out of town. You told your Mother was making you divorce me and you told she said you had to or she'd prove us both unfit and take . I had to let myself move on and I couldn't even do that successfully. I've not been with anybody in the eight months you've been gone, I'm still hopelessly in love with you and that away the one person who I though, that somewhere down the road, I could have some type of future with. I give up on trying to move on. I don't need to be a Husband, though it meant the world to be, I don't need to be a boyfriend, though I hate being alone, I don't even need to be a friend, though I would some day like to be yours, I am first, last and always a proud Father and that's all I need to be. So please, just let me be, quit lying to your family about me, quit lying to my family about them and lets just be parents. Please, it stings bad enough that I've lost you, I can't bare to have you continue to do this to me and I couldn't survive losing too. No, things can not be as they were, that me but it's safer for and for me. I love you, don't misread it, don't put me down for it. You are the Mother of my Son, my best friend, my worst , even if not by my choice, and still the second most important person in my life. Let's please just focus on that and do whatever we can for our little boy. Listen or don't, I've spoken from my heart, you know as well as I do that it's true. 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